Thank you so much to Amanda at Written in the Stars for putting my sweet babies’ names in the sky and giving me another beautiful way to remember my children.

Amanda is a baby loss mommy who lost her girl, Ireland Lila, at almost 15 weeks, and was inspired to write her little girl’s name in the stars. She now does this for other grieving parents.

This sweet mommy, who is expecting her rainbow baby, also has a photography business, through which she offers complimentary sessions for family’s who have been touched by infant loss or terminal illness.

and you four precious little ones in Heaven.

In memory of Milo Henry Salomonis - MiloSalomonis.org

Bright eyes, keep watch over them, as you dance on clouds above.

Not too long after the day I spent at the beach with Calvin, I came across Melissa’s blog, 2FeetOnEarth1intheStars, and her request for the Calypso Name Project in celebration of her daughter’s 2nd Birthday in Heaven. Knowing how powerful it was to see my son’s name written in such a way, I decided that I would do this for her.

On Mother’s Day of this year – my first Mother’s Day as a mommy (which I wrote about here) – I found comfort and healing in remembering the children of other mothers who, like me, had to say goodbye to their precious little ones much, much sooner than we ever would have wanted.

I’ve been meaning to share these photos and the names of just some of Calvin’s friends. Tonight feels right for it.

I met these babies through their sweet mothers, some of which have blogs of their own, and which are linked below. If you feel so moved, please visit their sites.

Asher Joseph and Isaac Matthew

Waiting for Happy

Austin

Shannon Elizabeth

Remembering Shannon Elizabeth

Brenham Jay

When Hello Means Goodbye

Brenna

Living Without Brenna

Calypso

2 Feet on Earth 1 in the Stars

Celina Denise

Chris

Dylan Robert and Kylan Aaron

Emma

Gavin

Isaac Timothy

He Will Carry Me

Mackenzie

Olive Lucy

clownbaby

Nevaeh Rebecka-Lynn

River

Rufio

Samuel, Josiah, and Anna

Dancing Barefoot… on Weathered Ground

Sara

To the mothers who see their babies’ names here, if you would like the high resolution photo, please let me know at crystal[at]louielovescrystal[dot]com so I can send it to you.

First, yes, I do know I’m a month and another major holiday late. If it’s any consolation, I did share these photos on BabyCenter and Facebook the night of Mother’s Day. It’s just that sometimes it takes me a while to process, and it has taken me some time to really be up to writing about Mothers Day. It was an exhausting day, definitely, but not necessarily in a bad way.

In this situation, the anxiety leading up to the day ended up being worse than the actual day. My greatest concern was that nobody would acknowledge me on this day – my first Mothers Day – and by doing so, would also not be acknowledging Calvin as my son, but rather deny his existence. That is what is most painful to me.

An Alternative to “Happy Mothers Day” and Store-Bought Cards

I could not bring myself to say the words “Happy Mothers Day,” so I did not force myself to say them. I also did not go to the store to buy cards. Instead, I took note cards, decorated them, chose a relevant passage of scripture to write in each card. It was very therapeutic for me to do this. Then Louie and I wrote our own messages in for each of the mothers in our immediate families.

A Blue Ribbon From and For Calvin

We celebrated with my family on Saturday. We surprised my mom with sushi and gave her our gift. At times it was awkward for me, because all I could think of was Calvin and how much I missed him and how much I was looking forward to our first Mothers Day together.

After looking through the photobook we had put together for my parents, my mom got up and said she needed to get something. She came back with carnations and started to hand them to my sisters, Michelle and Jeannette, who each have two kids. I found myself staring at the wood floor, trying to swallow the ache that was rising from my chest and through my throat. The she came up to me, and, through tears said, “Calvin told me to give these to you.” She extended her hand, giving me a stem of carnations that were tied with a bow made of blue ribbon - “blue for Calvin.”

To have my mom recognize me as a mother and to validate Calvin’s existence: That was healing moment for me.

To All the Mothers - and Fathers - Who Have Lost a Child

Whether it be it your only child, or one of several, or more than one, I want you know that I honor you and your losses, the life of your sweet ones, and the love that still connects you.

You are free to copy these photographs for your own personal use. They are mine to offer. I hope having them can provide some healing for you as writing these words out in the sand provided for me. Any commercial entities, however, are requested to let me know of their usage and to provide credit to this blog. If you’d like higher resolution versions of any of these pictures, email me: crystal[at]louielovescrsytal[dot]com, and I’d be happy to send them to you.