For the past 8 days, I’ve been sticking one of these capsules in me when I wake up in the morning and before I got to bed at night. I don’t like it. It’s uncomfortable and messy and sometimes it hurts. But I will keep doing this for the next 237 days if it means I can bring my Bumble Bee home.
Posted in Bumble Bee, Photos, Pregnancy, Wordless Wednesday
Tagged pregnancy after loss, progesterone, prometrium
I just wanted to let some of you sweet mommas know that I’m running behind on requests at Calvin’s Cupcakes. I’m sorry to miss some special days, but I’ve been sick (still am) with an upper respiratory infection. I promise to catch up soon and will be sending along a free high-resolution version as a not-nearly-enough apology for falling behind to those of you who made a request, but whose cupcakes I didn’t get to making on time.
I attended a “Walk to Remember” remembrance walk and ceremony in Clearwater with some of my BabyCenter GBJ girls, their husbands, and their rainbow babies. Part of it included putting flowers on and around a memorial tree, planted in the park for babies who have died and their families.
The three flowers toward the top are for my three babies in heaven.
After we placed the flowers, we were given big cupcakes and sang Happy Birthday to our babies. It was difficult, but good, needed. I’m so glad to have been able to share in this and to honor Calvin, Rainbow, and Gaelen.
This post is part of the NaBloPoMo daily blogging challenge. The theme for this month is “Between,” which goes perfectly with how I’ve been feeling and where I find myself: between hope and despair, between love and fear, between trying to conceive and holding a living child in my arms.
Posted in Calvin Phoenix, Gaelen Evangeline, Grief, NaBloPoMo, Rainbow Baby, We Remember
Tagged baby loss remembrance, florida, GBJ, memorial, remembering, walk to remember
Because I was so anxious and worried and nervous and scared and terrified that I might have an ectopic pregnancy that would burst while I was traveling to Florida, my nurse agreed to do a blood test to see if my hCG levels were high enough to do an ultrasound (she also checked my progesterone, because I was anxious about that, too, given my early losses). So on Monday, I went in for the bloodwork. I got the beta hCG results on voicemail at the end of the day: 7,057. Then my nurse called me back the next morning, and I got scheduled to go in.
We saw our little Bumble Bee on the ultrasound—well, his or her gestational sac and yolk sac (the little “cheerio” in the black sac in the image on the left) in the gestational sac, in my uterus. I heard Louie let out a huge sigh. The nurse practitioner said that it looked good for this early in pregnancy and with my numbers, things appear to be going well. I was given a pregnancy packet (I haven’t received one of these since being pregnant with Calvin) and told that my due date is June 5.
The thing with taking fertility meds is that it can cause more than one egg to be released, and even if one implants in the uterus, there is a rare chance of one implanting in the fallopian tube instead of making it’s way down. So, I’m not completely in the clear, but I am so relieved to know that this pregnancy seems to be going well. I just need to hold onto that, and continue to set small goals (on the advice of some amazing baby loss and rainbow mommies out there) instead of getting myself into a panic over trying to reach the end of this 9 1/2 month journey. So, my next goal is to make to our ultrasound next Friday and see Bumble Bee’s little heart fluttering away. I didn’t get to see that with Rainbow or Gaelen, so, of course, it is a huge milestone. And as always, prayers, hopes, healthy vibes, positive energy, sticky baby dust, and good baby juju are most welcome.
This post is part of the NaBloPoMo daily blogging challenge. The theme for this month is “Between,” which goes perfectly with how I’ve been feeling and where I find myself: between hope and despair, between love and fear, between trying to conceive and holding a living child in my arms. The prompt for today is: Talk about one important thing that happened between last Friday and today.
Posted in Bumble Bee, NaBloPoMo, Pregnancy
Tagged 5 weeks, between, early ultrasound, nablopomo, pregnancy after loss, yolk sac
