Some of you may have heard about how I busted up my shoulder, elbow, and wrist, and did some nerve pinching in the process. But how I can I not get on here to wish my husband a happy birthday, especially after the way he’s been taking care of me with my near-useless bum arm?

This man has been by my side for the past 11 years. He’s seen me at my worst, at my weakest, at my most vulnerable. He encourages my creativity, is amused by my quirks, endures my wrath and even stands up to it. He prays with me and for me and humbles me. Through our marriage, I have learned what it means to submit to my husband – and it does not mean being submissive or losing myself. With him, I created life and received the greatest blessing I could imagine in my two children who await us in heaven and walk with the Father. I love the ways he laughs with such commitment that it becomes infectious. I love the way he willing holds me in silence when all I need stillness and his arms around me. I love the way he speaks of our babies.

Anyway, if you could send my husby some birthday love, I’m sure he would appreciate it . He just started a blog which you can get to here: ejanda.blogspot.com, and he’s also on Twitter: @lifewithlouie. Thank you!

I love your guts, Louie!

My unread list in Google Reader continues to climb, and I’m sure it’ll hit 200 sometime tomorrow. I apologize my dear bloggie friends, but I’m sure you agree that family comes first and my time lately has been been taken up preparing for tonight, and I will catch with you soon!

I’ve spent the entire past week (including last weekend) preparing these:


so Louie could have them for this:

And we were there tonight because Louie is graduating!

So please show my amazing husband some love by…

• Visiting Louie’s site at Calvin’s Canvas
• Giving him some shoutouts on Twitter @lifewithlouie
• Friend’ing him on Facebook/lifewithlouie

In addition to announcing the winner of my Something Happened giveaway, in this The 5th Belongs to Calvin post, I wanted to share a little bit of Calvin and Rainbow’s daddy – the man who has been with me since high school, when I was just a girl trying to catch his eye and capture his heart. I guess I did a pretty good job of it, too, since Louie is now my husband and the father of my two heavenly babies.

Photo credit: Ed Pingol Photography

I am very proud to call this man my husband, my best friend, and the father of my children. (I guess you can call him my homie-lover-friend-baby-daddy ). I love him and the way he loves me and our children. He isn’t perfect, and there are times when I don’t know whether to scream at him or tear my hair out. But his imperfections – and the way he so gracefully (most of the time) accepts mine – are part of what makes him right for me.

We are by no means one of those couples who are always on the same wavelength, and sometimes it takes a lot of work to understand things through each other’s eyes, but that’s okay with us. I will never know the hurt I caused in my moments of anger, selfishness, and spite. I will never know how it felt for him to doubt our relationship right before our wedding but still decide he loved me enough to make it work. I will never know what it was like for him to watch me deliver our dead son beyond the I’m sorry’s he tearfully whispered into my hair over and over or the helplessness he must have felt I bled and lost our second pregnancy, our Rainbow. What I do know is that he does not ask it of me.

The day Calvin was born, it wasn’t until my arms were heavy and weak that I asked Louie if he wanted to hold our baby. (I will never forget the weight of him – my first child, my son – in my arms, it helps me know that he was real and he was here and he lived.) The way Louie’s face lit up, as he smiled and said, Really?, will never leave me; he was willing to let me carry Calvin in my arms for as long as I wanted, the whole time, even, without thinking twice about it. The pride and love in Louie’s face, the gentle rocking and soft sweetness in his voice as he sang to our baby, and the way he carried him over to the window overlooking the city to have his daddy-son talk – These moments make all the heartache that came with leaving the hospital worth it. I am so thankful to have been able to see Louie father our son.

Photo credit: Ed Pingol Photography

I know that I neglect to tell him how much he means to me and that, though it may seem like I take him for granted, I know that he has gone through so much in our 11 years together, and especially in the past year and a half. The rate of separation between couples who have lost a child are higher than those who haven’t (which is already high as it is), and I feel lucky to have a husband who is willing to walk through the valley with me in a very real way: from losing friends to family to our only children. He has stayed with me and held me in my brokenness, sharp edges and all. I am so blessed by Louie’s heart. I am in awe of his strength and his sensitivity. I am so jealousy of his creativity and artistic talent. I am inspired by his way with words, especially when they are formed by compassion. And I am especially in love with how much he loves our babies.

Happy 15 months in heaven, Calvin Phoenix. I am so proud to call myself your mommy. Thank you for blessing me and daddy. Thank for all the ways in which you’ve inspired me. And thank you for helping me see just how great your daddy is.

I’m so late posting this, but I wanted give a big thank you to Holly at Caring for Carleigh and Haas Family Blessings for giving me my first blog award. Holly is the sweet mommy of four: Jordan and Carleigh, who live in Heaven, Kyndra who lives on earth, and Lainey, who is growing and forming in her Holly’s womb. She is such a blessing to know, and I appreciate her friendship from across the miles!

The rules of this award are:

1. copy and paste the award on your blog.
2. list who gave the award to you and use a link to her/his blog (or hyperlink).
3. list 10 things that make you happy.
4. pass the award on to other bloggers

10 Things that make me happy are:

(That is, aside from my core – made of God, family, and friends.)

• Picturing Calvin and Rainbow playing in heaven and visiting us on earth
• Multi-course meals – I like appetizers and dessert!
• Making other people happy because it feels good knowing that I put that smile on their face
• Lazy days at home with Louie filled with snuggles and “The Office”
• People letting me know that they are thinking of my babies
• Simple surprises
• Making real, human connections
• Being creative – whether it is with words, art, food, problem solving…
• Feeling understood or at least not feeling like I need to explain myself
• Stillness

People I am passing the award to:

• Kristin at Never Better
• Jaime at Handprint On My Heart
• AKD at Little Footprints
• Jessica at Momma of Two Angels
• Betty at Random Thoughts at 65 MPH
• Birni at All the Little Ponies

P.S. I know I’ve been a bit quiet lately (on multiple fronts, not just on this blog). I’ve been cocooning a bit and started my new job last week, which is going well, which was bit tiring with the longer commute to work. There’s actually a bunch of stuff I want to share, including updates on Kimora (she went home on Thursday ^_^), but it’s been one of those times when you have so much to say it’s hard to get anything out.

P.P.S. In case you hadn’t noticed (or don’t read it on the actual site), if you look at the right sidebar, I’ve added more ways to subscribe to make things a little easier. You can now subscribe to my blog via Email, Facebook (using Network Blogs), Yahoo, Google Reader, and Google FriendConnect.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I’ve been emailing Raquel all of your messages (from Facebook, Twitter, BabyCenter and this blog), and it has meant a lot to her and Ray to have your support.

I’m very happy to let you know that Raquel and Kimora are doing better. Raquel’s bleeding has improved, and they have removed the uterine balloon and packing. She will have to be on bed rest as she recovers. Kimora still needs help breathing, but they have switched her to a less invasive breathing apparatus, and they will continue to monitor her. She’s expected to be in the NICU for 3-4 weeks.

Here are a couple of pictures of baby girl, which my sisters have texted me. The first is from yesterday (Kimora’s birthday) and the second is from today:

Your continued thoughts, prayers, and positive energy are very much appreciated!