Category Archives: The 5th Belongs to Calvin

The 5th Belongs to Calvin: Calvin Loves Kimora (updates below)

Posted on May 5, 2011 by Crystal Theresa| 8 Comments
Share

This month’s 5th is dedicated to Calvin’s cousin, Kimora Michaela, who was born two months after Calvin’s first birthday.

One year ago, I posted about Kimora and her family: first to ask for prayers when Raquel went into labor at 32 weeks, then to give an update and ask for continued prayers when Kimora was born.

I am asking you again to pray for Kimora with us

A few hours ago, Kimora was taken to Kaiser by paramedics after having a seizure and being unresponsive.

I am asking you to pray with us for Kimora and her family. Please, please use whatever faith you have to send hope, healing energy, positive vibes, loving thoughts, and goodness to Kimora and her family…

  • That Kimora is healed.
  • That Kimora is unharmed by this seizure and whatever caused it.
  • That Kimora opens her eyes and smiles at her mommy and daddy.
  • That Raquel and Ray feel the love and prayers surrounding them.
  • That Kihana (Kimora’s new baby sister) is safe and healthy throughout all this.
  • That God brings peace and comfort in this time of stress and worry and fear.

I’ve also made these buttons, which you can use to show your support and share the request for thoughts and prayers. Thank you so much.

Kimora Michaela prayer button pink & blue

Kimora Michaela prayer button blue

Pray for Kimora Michaela


My sweet Calvin, I know that you, Rainbow, and Gaelen, are watching over Cousin Kimora right now. Please let her know that her mommy, daddy, and sister love her, that we all love her, and that we can’t wait for her to get better so she can start running around again. Calvin, we know you helped her take her first steps on her birthday. Please help her open her eyes again today. Love you and your sisters always, always.

Update 1

I just spoke with my mom, who called the ER to check on Kimora, and they told her they went home. I haven’t been able to get in touch with Raquel, but I’m sure it’s because they are resting after being up all night with their baby girl. Will update again when I hear more. Please continue to hold Kimora and family in your thoughts are prayers for continued recovery.

Update 2

Raquel called me back and was able to tell me more before Kimora woke up again.

The doctors believe that Kimora has a respiratory virus and that her vaccinations pushed her fever up, and that’s what caused her febral seizures. After a mix-up with the 911 dispatcher (which sent an ambulance to the wrong city), paramedics came. Kimora was unresponsive, which is why they brought her to the hospital. She still had have fever and was shaking, so they observed her in the emergency room.

When Kimora became alert again her babbling was a bit slurred, but it could be from the medication and exhaustion. She is home now, but they will be observing her to make sure everything is normal. Please pray that continued observation will show that the seizures had no harmful effects on her and her development.

The doctors also said that kids usually grow out of having febral seizures by the time they are 5 or 6 years old, but that Kimora will need to be watched closely whenever she has a cold or gets sick, even if it is just a minor fever. Please pray that Kimora grows out of this sooner and that whenever she is ill, we will be able to keep her temperature down.

Thank you so much for your support, positive thoughts and energy, kind words, and prayers. I know Raquel will be blessed to see all of the support and especially the Facebook profile pics of Kimora.

<3, Crystal Theresa

→ 8 Comments

Posted in Calvin Phoenix, Faith, Family, The 5th Belongs to Calvin

Tagged , , , , ,

F is for I forgot my baby’s day (Please forgive me, Calvin)

Posted on April 6, 2011 by Crystal Theresa| 14 Comments
Share

Yesterday was the 5th. Today is the 6th. Yesterday I did my post for the A to Z Challenge, but I did NOT post for Calvin. And now I am sitting here crying because I feel like I failed my son by forgetting that the 5th is his day.

At first, I was in shock. After I posted about the March of Dimes, I looked at the clock on my computer and saw that it said “4/6/2011.” I missed the 5th. I missed Calvin’s day. I had been thinking about the 5th last week, trying to figure out what I should post. I have been thinking about Calvin and wondering if the RE could somehow get access to his ultrasound footage and give me a copy. I have been focusing on how to raise money for the March of Dimes, which we are participating in for him and Rainbow and Gaelen, but especially for Calvin, because he had birth defects, and I had first learned of the March for Babies right after we lost him.

But when yesterday came… I failed. And I’m not sure what to do with that. Louie is comforting me by telling me that Calvin just reads them as they come, and he enjoys them and that Calvin still loves me and that forgetting doesn’t change my relationship with him. I know Louie’s right, but it’s still hard to accept that I missed the 5th.

Calvin, mommy is so sorry for not posting for you yesterday. I think of you and Rainbow and Gaelen everyday. Mommy and daddy always talk about you. You are never far from my thoughts and you are always in my heart. I’m so sorry, baby. Please forgive mommy. I love you so much.

Have you ever felt like you failed your baby after you had already lost him or her?

What happened? How did you forgive yourself?

This post is a part of a series called Unpacking Grief, which I began as part of the Blogging from A to Z April Challenge.

<3, Crystal Theresa

→ 14 Comments

Posted in A to Z Challenge, Grief, The 5th Belongs to Calvin, Unpacking Grief

Tagged , , , ,

The 5th Belongs to Calvin: Happy 2nd birthday, my darling

Posted on March 5, 2011 by Crystal Theresa| 9 Comments
Share

Calvin’s birth

Two years ago, at this time, I was at the hospital in labor with our first child. Louie and I were alone. We were scared. We knew our baby was dead. We knew our baby had birth defects. I had finally agreed to the epidural when I started to feel something coming out. The nurse went to the get the doctor. The doctor asked me to lie back, but I cried, I can’t. They told me to hold Louie’s hand, but I couldn’t let go of the sheets, I was in so much pain. I cried out again and felt my child leave my body. I lay back and started sobbing. Louie cried and whispered, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, over and over again.

They took our baby to clean him up, and the doctor and nurse came back to talk to us. They told us we had a boy. We asked what he looked liked. She didn’t give us a clear response, saying she didn’t think her description would really tell us. We said we wanted to see him.

Our child was brought to us dressed in the tiniest of gowns. The doctor asked if he had a name. Calvin, we answered. Calvin is very special, she said, he’s very special. She placed him in my arms and I cried as I fell in love with my baby all over again. The first thing out of Louie’s mouth was Our baby is so cute. In that moment, an unexpected, overwhelming, and surprising peace washed over me. I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t lost. I felt happy and content. I felt love. I still get glimpses of that, once in a while; a reminder of what life will be like in the next world, when I am with my babies again.

Calvin’s Cupcakes

Calvin Phoenix Zapanta Ejanda (03.05.2009)I started Calvin’s Cupcakes last year and made it official on Calvin’s 1st birthday.

Whenever someone else spent time with my son, whether it letting us know they thought of him, by sending us a picture of his name, or by creating something just for him, it made me feel less lonely. It lets me know that my child matters and is remembered. I wanted to do the same for others. I wanted to find a way to help parents honor and remember their children, especially on dates that could be more challenging—birthday, anniversaries, due dates.

Since then, we have made a total of 148 cupcakes, and I am so proud of that, of what my son has helped me accomplish.

Calvin’s animation

Last year, Louie surprised me with this animation that he had been working on for his portfolio show. I love that Louie spent so many hours drawing our son over and over again. This animation contains about 300 drawings, all crafted by the hand of Calvin’s daddy.

My sweet boy, has it really been two years since I last held you? I don’t know how it’s possible, but my love for you continues to grow each day. Mommy and Daddy love and miss you so much, Calvin, and are so proud of you. Thank you for all the signs you’ve been sending us, letting us know you’re near. Give Rainbow a big hug and kiss for us.

<3, Crystal Theresa

→ 9 Comments

Posted in Calvin Phoenix, The 5th Belongs to Calvin, We Remember

Tagged , , , ,

The 5th Belongs to Calvin: You are remembered

Posted on February 5, 2011 by Crystal Theresa| 6 Comments
Share

Calvin's corner in Louie's room at my in-laws' houseLouie and I have never spent a night away from Calvin’s ashes. When we visit family for a weekend, we bring his urn, his main stuffed animals, his memory box, and his journal. We carry all of these things in a canvas bag – the same bag we used to bring his urn to the funeral home when we went to pick up his ashes (it was raining that day).

There’s a corner in Louie’s bedroom at his parents’ house that belongs to Calvin. In this space, we keep a framed picture of him, a “Filipino Phoenix” from his Uncle Micah’s trip to the Philippines, my crying bear bank, my praying Precious Moments doll, and Louie’s triceratops figurine. When we visit Vallejo, this is where we place Calvin’s urn and the things we bring.

Sometimes, we bring his “travel bag” when we visit my side – especially when we come straight from San Francisco or are on our way back. Though my nieces and nephews never got to meet him, they know Calvin and continue to remember him. They know that the small blue penguin (Piplup from Pokemon) is named Pickles. They recognize the big penguin (Anton), the hippo (Genevieve), the small duckling (Quackly), and the little Domo doll (Monster). My oldest niece – she’s seven – will sometimes ask to see Calvin’s “sand.” When we don’t bring the Domo doll, my four-year-old nephew will ask, Where’s Monster? My two-year-old niece knows that my ultrasound pendant is “Calvie” and looks for it almost every time I see her.

We came to Vallejo this weekend to celebrate birthdays at my sister’s. We went straight from San Francisco to her house and brought Calvin’s things down with us. My sister’s friend and her son were in town visiting. My niece and nephew started pulling out Calvin’s toys to play with them. When the boy called Pickles “Piplup,” my nephew was quick to correct him: His name is PICKLES! (My nephew, by the way, is a huge Pokemon fan, and was the one who informed me and Louie that Pickles was actually a Piplup.) After most of the dolls were out of the bag, I saw my niece look at Calvin’s memory box for a few seconds. Then she turned to the boy:

You know why they have all this stuff?

Why?

It’s because they had two babies, and this is they’re stuff. But they died. Isn’t that sad? The boy’s name is Calvin, and the girl’s name is Rainbow.

My sweet Calvin, you are always with us. Even when it feels like you’re far from me, know that you and your sister permeate every cell, every breath, everything I am and will be. I am so blessed by you. And I am so thankful that your cousins know you. You are remembered and loved – and not just by mommy and daddy. Happy 23 months with Jesus, my love.

<3, Crystal Theresa
Blog Widget by LinkWithin

→ 6 Comments

Posted in Calvin Phoenix, The 5th Belongs to Calvin

Tagged , , , , , ,