Category Archives: The 5th Belongs to Calvin

The 5th Belongs to Calvin: In My Heart Giveaways

Posted on February 5, 2012 by Crystal Theresa| 3 Comments
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Calvin's In My Heart picture cardDear Calvin,

It’s your 35th month in heaven, and I can’t believe your 3rd heavenly birthday is just around the corner. I wanted to do something creative and design-y for today. So, I decided to create a Valentine’s-inspired e-tag with the message Always, I will carry you in my heart, because that’s how I feel about you and your sisters and brother. To celebrate your special day, I made this one with your picture.

And to say thank you to those who have been walking this journey with our family, I made a free version of the tag and am also giving a couple customizable versions. All inspired by you and your siblings.

You, Rainbow, Gaelen, and Charlie are our light, and we love you so much.

Hugs and Kisses,
Mommy

To my readers I have three versions of the In My Heart e-tag to share with you: a freebie mini -ecard and two custom/personalized giveaways.

Update: I’ve decided to extend the drawing date to Saturday!

Read more… »

<3, Crystal Theresa

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Posted in Art Bits, Bumble Bee, Calvin Phoenix, Design, Gaelen Evangeline, Mixed Media, Rainbow Baby, The 5th Belongs to Calvin, We Remember

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The 5th Belongs to Calvin: You made me a mother

Posted on January 5, 2012 by Crystal Theresa| 7 Comments
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Dear Calvin,

I am the furthest I have ever been in pregnancy, carrying your baby brother or sister. Today, I am 18 weeks and 3 days. I delivered you at 18 weeks and 1 day. Although you did not come out of my womb alive, although you were born two weeks shy of the commonly accepted definition of stillbirth, you were born, silent and loved and wanted. Out of my womb, I delivered you on a Thursday morning, with your daddy by my side and tears spilling from both of our eyes.

We are so grateful to have Bumble Bee growing inside me, but this new baby does not replace you, does not replace Rainbow, does not replace Gaelen. Each pregnancy is it’s own blessing, the creation of a new, separate, and individual soul for us to love and cherish. As I learned of each new life, my heart grew and created a unique space for my next child. And when we lost you and Rainbow and Gaelen, these spaces—your spaces—in my heart remained; they will only be filled when we are all together again.

We pray and hope that baby number four will be born alive and well. We look forward, with cautious optimism, to bringing Bumble Bee home and parenting him or her the way were unable to parent you and your sisters. I know people will look at us and assume Bumble is our first child, our only child, even those who know that I was pregnant three times before. This doesn’t change the fact that it was you, Calvin, who first made me a mother. I will always be grateful for that.

Happy 33 months in heaven, my precious son. I love you so much. I miss you.

Love and kisses to you and your sissies,
Mommy

<3, Crystal Theresa

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Posted in Bumble Bee, Calvin Phoenix, Gaelen Evangeline, Pregnancy, Rainbow Baby, The 5th Belongs to Calvin

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The 5th Belongs to Calvin: The NT Scan

Posted on December 5, 2011 by Crystal Theresa| 4 Comments
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Dear Calvin,

On Thursday, I had the NT scan with Bumble Bee. It was at the same place where I had my first ultrasounds with you, where I first saw and heard your heartbeat, where they told me they found amniotic bands during your NT ultrasound, and where the doctor told me that we’d lost you. It was also the same tech from the first ultrasound, and she started your NT scan, as well. I thought about you as I saw your baby sibling on the screen. I noticed the differences in your head shape and size—your head was bigger—and how Bumble Bee’s nose was more upturned than yours. I also noticed the similarities: How you both didn’t want to cooperate with this same tech and how you stretched and refused to turn.

Your baby brother or sister had a normal nuchal translucency measurement, with negative results on the screening. They told us that everything looked good. It was so different from our appointment with you, and as your mommy, it’s hard to not wish things turned out differently for you, that there weren’t amniotic bands threatening you, that the test results came back normal, that you could be here (that you, Rainbow, and Gaelen could be here) waiting to welcome Bumble. I know that’s not possible, but I miss you, all of you.

We love you so much, sweet boy. Happy 33 months in heaven, Calvin Phoenix.

♥ Mommy

<3, Crystal Theresa

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Posted in Bumble Bee, Calvin Phoenix, Grief, Pregnancy, The 5th Belongs to Calvin

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The 5th Belongs to Calvin: Always, You Matter

Posted on November 5, 2011 by Crystal Theresa| 5 Comments
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Dear Calvin,

I had my first prenatal appointment with Bumble Bee on Wednesday. The nurse-midwife asked about my previous pregnancies, and when she heard me call you “he,” she asked what your name was. I told her, “Calvin,” as I cried. Then I thanked her for asking your name. She said, “It matters.”

You will always be my first child, my first baby. You will always matter.
Happy 32 months in heaven, my darling. We miss you everyday.

I love you,
Mommy

<3, Crystal Theresa
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Posted in Grief, Pregnancy, The 5th Belongs to Calvin

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