Dear Calvin,
I had my first prenatal appointment with Bumble Bee on Wednesday. The nurse-midwife asked about my previous pregnancies, and when she heard me call you “he,” she asked what your name was. I told her, “Calvin,” as I cried. Then I thanked her for asking your name. She said, “It matters.”
You will always be my first child, my first baby. You will always matter.
Happy 32 months in heaven, my darling. We miss you everyday.
I love you,
Mommy
Posted in Grief, Pregnancy, The 5th Belongs to Calvin
Tagged Bumble Bee, Calvin Phoenix, remembering, The 5th Belongs to Calvin
In honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, Calvin’s Cupcakes is offering this free PAIL Cupcake for you to use for your baby/babies. Just click on the image to go to Calvin’s Cupcakes, where you can get the the high resolution version.
In addition to my Calvin, Rainbow, and Gaelen, there are so many babies that have been in my thoughts and in my heart since I joined this club. Here are just some of the sweet little ones whose families I’ve been blessed to meet (this doesn’t even come close to all of their names, and I fit all as much as I could):
I apologize if I didn’t fit your little one’s this time around. Being sick made less prepared for today than I wanted to me, but do know I’m thinking of you and your babies.
I attended a “Walk to Remember” remembrance walk and ceremony in Clearwater with some of my BabyCenter GBJ girls, their husbands, and their rainbow babies. Part of it included putting flowers on and around a memorial tree, planted in the park for babies who have died and their families.
The three flowers toward the top are for my three babies in heaven.
After we placed the flowers, we were given big cupcakes and sang Happy Birthday to our babies. It was difficult, but good, needed. I’m so glad to have been able to share in this and to honor Calvin, Rainbow, and Gaelen.
This post is part of the NaBloPoMo daily blogging challenge. The theme for this month is “Between,” which goes perfectly with how I’ve been feeling and where I find myself: between hope and despair, between love and fear, between trying to conceive and holding a living child in my arms.
Posted in Calvin Phoenix, Gaelen Evangeline, Grief, NaBloPoMo, Rainbow Baby, We Remember
Tagged baby loss remembrance, florida, GBJ, memorial, remembering, walk to remember
Our current home is between the hospital where I found out Calvin was no longer alive and delivered his still body from mine and the columbarium where his ashes will be inurned in a niche that is for him and his sisters and, eventually, us.
In several ways, we’re very much living between death and eternity.
This post is part of the NaBloPoMo daily blogging challenge. The theme for this month is “Between,” which goes perfectly with how I’ve been feeling and where I find myself: between hope and despair, between love and fear, between trying to conceive and holding a living child in my arms. The prompt for today is: List two things (however close or far) that your current home is between.
Posted in Calvin Phoenix, Life, NaBloPoMo
Tagged babyloss, between, columbarium, home, nablopomo
