Monthly Archives: January 2010

A few ways to help those in Haiti

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Honestly, a part of me would prefer to ignore what is going on around me, to shield myself from the grief and suffering others are facing. Losing my two children already feels like more pain than I can stand. The thought of all those parents who’s children have died in Haiti, the devastation that earthquake has wreaked, the many who are hurt, who are starving, who are desperately waiting to know if their loved ones still live… it all seems like too much. So I have avoided looking the photos and watching the news. (I suspect I’m not the only one who does, but admitting this selfishness is difficult, especially amidst such tragedy.)

Distancing myself from what’s happened, however, does not mean that I don’t know how much help is needed. And because I am able, I am called to contribute. It is the right thing to do. It is the Christian thing to do. And I know it would make Calvin and Rainbow proud to know their mommy is helping. So even if you, like me, find the need to guard your tender heart from the painful stories and imagery, if you are so moved and able, please considering donating in one of the following ways.

A handful of organizations through which you can text message donations:

The organization names link to their main sites, while the links in parenthesis go to the online donation forms (except for the Salvation Army, which goes to a page that shows multiple ways to give via monetary donation, volunteering, etc.). The Mobile Giving Foundation has a list of groups that are accepting donations via text message, including the Red Cross, the MTV telethon, Wyclef Jean’s Yéle Foundation.

You can also help by visiting…

  • Indie Relief - Proceeds from purchases made on January 20 of all the listed software/apps will go towards charities working to help Haiti relief efforts
  • Bring the Rain – Angie is donating a quarter for every comment she receives on her “Help Me Help Haiti” post until tomorrow evening
  • Hope for Haiti – Jenny, from Simply Delightful Designs, has organized a bunch of raffles with awesome donated prizes; $1 = 1 raffle ticket and proceeds will go to the Red Cross and Compassion (note: there are some difficult images in the header of the site)

I know, firsthand, how difficult it can be to see past our own personal heartaches (especially when the pain is still so raw), but there is some healing to be found in using this tenderness to help others in need.

<3, Crystal Theresa

The 5th Belongs to Calvin: Blessed to Be Broken

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From Our Family to Yours

Calvin & Rainbows Holiday Remembrance Card 2009

(click on the image for a larger version of our greeting)


I don’t want to be a Scrooge-y Mommy

I’ve been meaning to post that greeting on my blog, since I don’t have all of your email addresses, and some of you I know only through BBC (no, not the British channel), and/or blogland. So first, I want to apologize for the lateness of this greeting reaching you. The holidays and the recent loss of our Rainbow babe brought such a heavy sadness that I needed to cocoon myself for a while and nurse my grieving heart. It has been difficult to say “Merry Christmas” and “Happy New Year,” much less say it with sincerity. That’s because I’d forgotten that my children (though not with me and their daddy) were celebrating in Heaven. And since I know they are watching over me, I don’t want them to think their momma is a scrooge!

I have yet to reply to your comments, emails, and prayers over the past few weeks, but please know that the gratitude I have – that Louie and I both have – for the ways you have lifted us up and kept us afloat, runs deep. Thank you for so much for keeping us in your thoughts and remembering us and our babies. Please try to be patient with me as I catch my breath and re-adjust to the light, and forgive my holiday hiatus.

“Blessed to be broken by this brokenhearted love”

In attempt to express the intertwining of grief and gratitude and love that I was feeling, I tried writing a song for Calvin. That line up there was one that immediately came to my lips. After Calvin died, I lost pieces of myself that I will never get back. That’s part of losing a child (of losing both of my babies); it’s a part of any loss. I won’t “get over” this. I can’t be “fixed.” I was broken by loss. I was broken by love. And I still am.

But in this brokenness, I am also blessed. I am blessed to know what it feels like to carry life inside me and speak the secret language of creation that happens between a mother and her child. I am blessed to know love so deep that the wounds of grief will never scar. I am blessed to know that my tender heart can love just as fiercely and break all over again for my next baby. Some of you, I’ve found through the shared experience of baby loss; others have shared of yourself as I’ve bared by my tears and anger and helplessness; all of you have blessed me. So that is why I’ve re-titling this blog to Fragments: Blessed to Be Broken. That is who I am right now, and I’m okay with that.

And in case you were wondering, I never did place that lyric. For now it’s just a fragment, but that’s okay, too.

Happy 10 months in Heaven, Calvin Phoenix! Thank you for helping Mommy realize that though losing you has left me broken, I am completely blessed by your life.

<3, Crystal Theresa

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